Monday, June 18, 2007

19th HIGH Unitas Classic

High Unitas 2007

The AUTOBOT(BURKE aka Optimus Prime) VS. the DECEPTICON(Louder aka Megatron)

A peaceful day in Kamas was blanketed in a cloud of fear and doom as the Utah/Idaho bike racing galaxy was threatened with extinction from the vicious battle between Optimus Burke and Megartron Louder. As mortal humans our battle as bike racers was simply for survival against these two Immortal Machines. With an early break hammering away to a 9 minute gap at the base of the climb, the racers still in the field knew it was going to be a slug fest between the non-human Autobot and Decepticon. All we could hope for was minimal blood shed. From the base of the climb we were running scared…….. as we were gunned down from behind by Optimus Burke and Megatron Louder. One mortal (Jrad) was forced from his bike by Optimus Burke to aid the Autobot on his mission of complete anhialation of the earthlings (later Jrad would say "I gave up my wheel in hopes that Optimus Burke would, someday, extend immortality to me"). Legs were ripped off and eaten like hot wings at Hooters. Within minutes the dynamic human slayers had devoured enough human fuel to close the 9 minute gap to the earthlings in the break. This destruction continued thoughout the weekend of racing finished off by an epic criterium that saw the 2 bots battle once again leaving nothing alive in their path of destruction. Every prime was swallowed alive. With nothing left standing in their way Optimus Burke and Megatron Louder turned on each other. Megatron with one last round in the SIX shooter brought home the win leaving Louder with just enough money to put gas in the car and get home.
Louder was defeated this time but will return to fight again. Us humans can just pray that the upcoming NRC races will keep us safe from the wrath of the bots!
This story was inspired over a few beers with Marc Yap.